Stay-at-Home Mom vs. Working Mom: My Baby or My Job

I so rarely get to watch daytime television but we are on vacation this week and I got to kick back and watch Ellen and Oprah while my daughter napped in the hotel room yesterday.

Oprah had a great show on about the decision: My Baby or My Job? When money was not the core issue, many new moms choose to stay home and raise their kids while many other women feel they can not give up "themselves" and continue to work.

Oprah had guests from both sides. Both made valid points and I could understand how both sides felt so strongly. For most working moms, they felt they made a better parent if they had their career and paycheck. For most SAHMs, they felt that raising their children should be the first priority and everything else, including their own personal fulfillment, can wait. Which mom makes the better parent?

The bottom line is the Mom that is present for her children when she is with them is the one that is really being the good parent. You can be a SAHM (stay-at-home mom) and be physically present all day long but if you are not engaged with your kids and attuned to what their needs are, you are not better than the Mom who has her child in day care all day long while she works.

On the other hand, a Mom (working or SAHM) who is engaged with her children and finds stimulating projects and learning experiences is doing a great job. She pays close attention to her children and creates a loving environment for her kids. It's about living in the moment: When you are with your family, give your full attention to them.

Both sides of the argument feel guilt. We want it all. The SAHM may feel that she has been put on the back burner- her interests, looks and skills have been put off until "the kids get older". The working mom feels guilty that instead of her, the daycare saw the first step or the first tooth. Having it all really means different things to different women so don't try to live someone else's dream. To read more about this guilt and how to handle it, read what Dr. Robin has to say.

As moms, we are often judgemental of moms who choose the "other option". As an In Style Mom, I encourage you to be supportive of those are in the midst of making the choice of whether or not to stay home with her kids. It is a tough decision and women often struggle even after the choice has been made. What works for one family is not what works for all families. Work with the decision you and your family have made. Find time for yourself. Live in the moment and be attuned to what your children need. Good Luck!